My journey with anxiety disorder
Introduction
on mental health
We face
so many emotions every day. In fact, each second we feel something and it never
ends unless we die and for some people these feelings are a lot bigger issue
than a normal human. These feelings leads some of us into misery, physical
injury and sometimes, even death. Earlier people were ignorant on these issues
like, mental health and even those who were aware were too afraid and ashamed
to talk about this. However, with time, we all are growing. We all are becoming
more aware about these issues, we are talking more freely and most importantly,
we are becoming more supportive. Mental health is a big priority these days. It
includes psychological, emotional and social aspects of our life. It affects
our daily life, work, study, relationship, the way we think, the way we feel,
the way we act and react, and sometimes physical health. But many people still
do have misconceptions about this. People refer people with mental health
issues as mad or crazy, and take this as a joke, bully them, make fun of them,
avoid them, disrespect them and discriminate them. They are not ready to accept
that mental health issues are just like any other health issues. Human brain is
a part of human body and being the controlling organ needs greater part of our
attention.
There are various types of mental disorders
like, mood disorders, anxiety disorder, personality disorders, eating
disorders, bipolar disorders, depression, and many more. According to the
research, there are around 450 Million diagnosed patients for mental illness
and god knows how many are there who just suffers alone.
Anxiety
disorder
Anxiety disorder is one of the above mentioned
mental illness with which around 300 Million people are suffering. And the
research shows that women have double the chance to suffer from this in
comparison to men.
Anxiety disorder is related with fear and anxiety.
It includes excessive worrying and fear about the future events where, for
normal human, these feelings relate with the current events.
Being an anxiety disorder sufferer, I am going
to share my journey with you all. I have faced from mild anxiety to severe
anxiety since 3 and half years. And with time, I am learning how to live with
that. I did many researches about this and tried every possible treatment
without seeking medical help. Let me make this clear that seeking medical help
is not a bad option though. You can always seek a medical help if it becomes
too hard for you. In my case, I didn’t want to go for a medical help because I
believed that I could do this on my own and slowly I was improving. Also, I
didn’t want to use some regular medication from such young age.
Here I will list out some symptoms I faced and
difficulties I had.
Firstly, it is very difficult to know if you
are actually suffering from it or is it just human nature. I too, was unaware
of it until I had a panic attack. The physician told me that I had anxiety
disorder and I should consider visiting a psychiatrist. My parents were so
afraid. I did researches on Google, pinterest etc. I listed out what I actually
faced among those mentioned over there.
Symptoms
I faced
1.
Excessive worrying:
I used to worry about
the things even before they actually happened. When in reality it wasn’t even
that bigger issue. I used to make up imaginary scenarios about what could go
wrong. Later when the situation actually occurred, then I would realize how smaller
the issue was and how I wasted my time and energy worrying so much about it. I used to be awake all night worrying and worrying. I would
cry so much every time a smallest possible thing went wrong.
2.
Restlessness:
With excessive worrying
comes restlessness. Even if someone didn’t pick up the phone or someone’s phone
was switched off or I don’t get replies on time, I would grow so restless that
I would try every possible way to reach out to them. I would again make
imaginary scenarios of what wrong could have happened. It was like there was no
positivity in my brain. All I could think was negative thoughts and situations.
I used to get annoyed
and irritated so easily that I couldn’t talk with a same person for a longer
time. Even if I loved that person, I would feel irritated with them. I felt
irritated when someone texted me as now I had to talk. If I had a fight with
someone and they came to say sorry, I would feel so irritated. If someone tried
to be close to me, I would feel irritated. Maybe because of this, I don’t have
a lot of friends. It affected my social life. Sometimes I would get so annoyed
that I would shut down all the social Medias and become contactless.
4.
Trouble falling or
staying asleep:
As I already mentioned
on the topic excessive worrying, the worrying would reach such an excessive
level that I could barely sleep. I could be tired to death and still couldn’t
sleep. Even if I fell asleep, I would see such disturbing dreams that wouldn’t
let me remain asleep. Because of lack of sleep, my head would hurt so bad and I
would feel nauseous.
5.
Feeling anxious:
Irritability as mentioned earlier
would lead me towards feeling so anxious that I would throw away things, my
breath would get heavier, and I couldn’t control myself. I would feel so
anxious that I started hurting people through words. I would point out
everything that would hurt the most to the other person. I wanted to make them
suffer like I was doing. Later on, when I would cool down, I would feel so
terrible for the words that came out of my mouth and I would cry.
6.
Difficulty
concentrating:
Because of the constant
worrying and imaginary scenarios all over my head, I couldn’t concentrate on
what I was doing. It was like I had my own imaginary world where there was
constant fear and worry. I was afraid of being left out.
7.
Panic attack:
Once, my fear grew so
much that my breath became shorter, my hands and slowly whole body started to
tremble, everything started becoming blurry and I fainted in the middle of my
college canteen. I was rushed to the hospital. My blood pressure became so low
that couldn’t open my eyes. That was when the physician told me to visit a
psychiatrist. This brought such a fear to me that as soon as I was brought back
I started to shiver and I vomited.
8.
Avoiding social
situations:
I used to be so afraid
to open up to people, meet or interact with new people. I was in a constant
fear of being judged. Even though I knew I am just another human with some
flaws just like everyone else has, I was scared. I was afraid that people
wouldn’t like how I look, what I said and so on. I started feeling like I don’t
even matter. I was so afraid of being left alone that I stopped making human
connection.
I will soon share what I did to be okay with
what I am, to learn living with anxiety disorder, what helped me and what was
actually effective. Subscribe my blog to get notified when I post that. Thank
you!
PS: At first I was too afraid to post about
this issue myself. But then this is my experience, my journey and I don’t need
anyone to validate that. And as I finished writing this, I am feeling a lot
lighter. If any one of you to whom this post reaches, faces similar issues,
feel free to share your journey. Accept yourself with all your flaws as we are
just another human with our flaws.
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